Michael Myers Was an Illegal Alien. What Does That Say About Us?
It was easy to hate Michael Myers when we thought he was a white guy.
By Don Lemmon | Guest Opinion Columnist • October 31, 2025
Now newly released federal documents show that one of America’s most infamous figures—a man we have spent nearly five decades calling “pure evil”—was born in Sonora, Mexico, and entered this country without proper documentation. The disclosure has ignited a nationwide reckoning over who we choose to fear, who we choose to forgive, and who gets invited to the block party after curfew.
Homeland Security confirmed that Myers’s 1978 record was miscoded as “U.S. born.” Immigrant-rights attorneys say that error deprived him of counsel guaranteed under international asylum conventions and, crucially, access to the Haddonfield Newcomers Welcoming Committee’s “Pumpkin Spice & Citizenship” mixer. That missed bilingual cookie table, they argue, is directly linked to later difficulties with boundaries, noise ordinances, and expressive cutlery.
What if the William Shatner mask we projected onto him was, in fact, our own face of xenophobia? And also a William Shatner mask.
A Reassessment of Evil
Sociologists now insist “Michael Myers” was never a person but a “kinetic manifestation of carceral vibes.” His choice to stalk suburban babysitters, they say, was a clumsy yet earnest critique of gendered inequities in the gig economy and the lack of employer-sponsored pepper spray.
Carol Clover’s work on “psychosexual fury” reads like prophecy. Trauma researchers diagnose chronic liminal-status anxiety with seasonal affective looming. “Blade possession is embodied protest,” said Dr. Renée Álvarez. “In many cultures a kitchen knife is a poem that cuts.” America heard “chop,” not “stanza.”
Public Reaction
Crowds gather nationwide under #UnmaskHate, chanting, “No Borders, No Basements, Just Healing.” Many carry candles; a few carry reusable tote bags that say “Believe Survivors, Believe Slashers, Believe Science.” One person, standing tall, carries a slightly used kitchen knife.
Spirit Halloween has pulled “Masked Slasher” costumes, apologizing for “monetizing the lived experience of the silently expressive.” Ten percent of boiler suit proceeds now fund a community program converting confiscated knives into lock-picking kits to be given to illegal immigrants detained by ICE.
Activist Shaun King tweeted, “Michael Myers is the George Floyd of masked serial killers. He forced America to see the face it hides from itself.”
The Rev. Al Sharpton told mourners, “Brother Myers showed us what happens when silence is criminalized and breathing through a mask is policed.”
Chicago’s mayor, Brandon Johnson, will award a posthumous “Sanctuary Humanitarian Integrity Tribute (SHIT),” clarifying that sanctuary cities aren’t overwhelmed; they are in an “unscheduled cultural-enrichment sprint.” Haddonfield, for its part, passed a resolution recognizing October as “Loom Awareness Month.”
Consequences and Accountability
In Springfield, Governor J. B. Pritzker launched the Task Force on Post-Mortem Accountability in Mental Health Care and Seasonal Menacing. Because Dr. Samuel Loomis died in 1995, the Social Healing Amendment allows the state to hold his heirs civilly responsible for “intergenerational malpractice and tone.”
“This isn’t about punishment,” a spokesperson said. “It’s about closure for communities harmed by pathologized otherness and off-brand jumpsuits.”
One criminal-justice reformer asked, “If we deport convicted felons, who will headline TEDx: Cutlery and Care six months from now?”
Digital Fallout
Laurie Strode, the only surviving witness from the original incidents, saw her social accounts restricted for “persistent mis-languaging” and “trauma-centrism.” Moderators cited repeated use of “evil” and “monster,” which algorithms flagged as slur-adjacent against “the kinetically-expressive community.”
Dr. Janine Shih of the Digital Empathy Lab defended the ban. “When a survivor centers her narrative, she erases the perpetrator’s journey. Ms. Strode’s fixation on being ‘hunted’ completely erases his experience of being ‘othered’ while cardio-walking.”
Fact-checkers later rated the word “stabbing” as “context-dependent, high-velocity touch.”
Cultural Debate
Even progressive media wobbled. Bill Maher mused, “I’m progressive, but if we start debating trigger-safe cutlery and knife-free zones for Halloween, maybe put the trick back in trick-or-treat.”
The Coalition for the Differently-Stalking accused him of “weaponizing stigma.”
HBO clarified the joke was protected by free speech but “did not meet empathy standards or our house style on blade puns.” Meanwhile, a Change.org petition gathered 300,000 signatures demanding the term “slasher” be retired in favor of “kinetic empath.”
Policy and a Restorative Future
Human-rights groups urge Congress to create Deferred Integration for Xenomasculinity (DIX) —to protect migrants engaged in “expressive cutlery.” A pilot program would offer a path to citizenship contingent on 1,000 hours of community-based expressive lurking, free NVC (Non-Verbal Cutlery) training, and a stipend for mask de-shaming.
Illinois lawmakers are debating renaming October 31 “Night of the Misunderstood.” ICE is reportedly considering a rebrand to NICE—Neighborhood Inclusion and Community Empathy—with agents trained to replace doors, not knock them down.
Walls do not work, except around donor galas, climate summits, and the VIP line at Erewhon. Catch-and-release is not chaos; it is an artisanal, small-batch immigration experience. If enforcement must continue, advocates propose equity: one deportation for every two IRS audits of small businesses and a tax credit for returning knives to their rightful kitchen block.
The Reflection We Avoid
Experts remind us the Myers saga was never about him. It was about us. When we label any migrant a monster, we stab at our own reflection, often with poor form.
Was he trying to kill his sister? Or was he a non-verbal migrant attempting urgent family reunification with a communication device that, regrettably, doubled as a knife? The knife was not a weapon. It was a cry for help with serration.
Justice will not come from another shot fired into darkness. It will come when we accept that empathy is public safety, masks are identity, and October is a construct. Michael Myers crossed no border we didn’t draw with a Sharpie and call a map. If we can unmask our fear, maybe both he and this country can finally breathe. Through the nose holes.
Don Lemmon is a journalist and commentator based in New York City. His pronouns are slash/they.
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